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Friday, October 8, 2010

Hello !

When I first started blogging several months ago, I met a few people who were making efforts to be real and be honest in their blogging.  They really touched my heart and their words were inspiring to me.  That is part of why I started blogging.  But here I am facing the choice .... shall I be honest about who I am right now or not. Then I came I came across a blogger (new to me) who was being frankly honest and it truly affected me.  So here it goes .....

I have struggled at my job as an RN for a very long time because the demands of the job were becoming greater and greater ....  because of health issues I am limited in what I can and cannot do, but as business was growing my ability to keep pace has not.  I like what I do and I am good at my job (I should be good at it as I have been doing it for over 30 yrs !!!)  I have worked most of my life ....

Here I am having to decide if I can keep working or not.  Do I retire or should I go on disability? Maybe I just need to take a medical leave of absence. When do I do this?  I really wanted to make it at least thru to the end of the year ... that is what I was developing as my plan.  But maybe I am just giving up too soon, maybe I am not not trying hard enough, maybe if I get more organized or cut my hours and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.  After all I should count myself fortunate just to have a job in this economy ..... yadda yadda yadda yadda ....

And then the bursitis in my hip flared up again ... worse than ever.  I couldn't take off right away because the other full time RN was on vacation.  By the time I stopped working the pain was excruciating and I was more exhausted than I usually am.  So now I am home for 2 weeks, going to Physical Therapy, on pain meds 3x stronger than what I was on and barely able to even sew on the quilts.  It is the end of my first week home and the progress I have made is that I realize that I need more than 2 weeks ..... now what?

I think it helps just to write this. I need to keep praying and stick a rod up my butt and be strong enough to face reality !!!  That's what .... :-)